THE 'F' WORD

The F Word

Feminism.

Before we start, men please don't click off. Stick with me, I think you'll like what I have to say!

As a Christian women, it has become harder and harder to fall firmly on a feminist stance at times and my view is still being moulded the more I learn. I am a strong believer in the original vows of marriage, that a women is to obey her husband, but most importantly the man is to love her as Jesus loved the church. Love her, defend her, push her, encourage her, serve her and devote himself to her. So as someone who would call myself a feminist how does this fit in with the biblical truth of marriage I believe in so much?

I believe it's time we start to re understand the word feminist. Feminism is not the movement that women are better than men. Like so many groups of people you will always get a collection of extremists who give it a bad name. I can confidently say not all feminists are the man hating, burn your bra type feminists that so often get shown around the media, but rather that we would see women as equal in society to men, and more importantly at the heart of feminism we are pushing for gender equality, and men that's for you too.

‘Feminism is firmly in the advocacy of women's rights but also on the ground of the equality of the sexes.’

Although feminism has been mainly focused on women's rights, so much of today's feminism is for the inclusion of men's liberations because men are also massively harmed by traditional gender roles. Don't get me wrong, we need to be realistic with gender roles, I have a womb and therefore, (although as a woman I do not have to have children) between a women or a man, it falls on us! A lot of women feel the maternal instinct to be stay at home parents, but so do men! In society, for hundreds of years women have had no rights or voice, it just so happens that their are more things for women to fight at this time than for men, but let me say this loudly, it is just as important that we fight for the right of men as women.

Men deserve the right to have emotions, to cry and to want to be loved, to have desperation and not feel ashamed. Men deserve the opportunity to thrive and love being a Primary School Teacher, a nurse, a baby sitter or a stay at home dad, just as a female I deserve the right to be a firefighter, a sports coach or a builder. Again if their qualifications, strength, knowledge or skill set outweighs that of the other sex, gender should not be a factor. Men deserve the right for longer and well paid paternity leave. I believe as a women we should have the right to the same pay as a man for the same job. I believe that we should have the same job opportunities despite the complication that as a women I may fall pregnant and need maternity leave. If we are qualified higher, our skill sets are stronger and we are better for the jobs, we deserve it.

I deserve the right as a women to go for a run by myself, without the added strain of verbal abuse from a male, just as a male deserves the right to walk down the street without being whistled at. I believe the problem is not a lone woman running and therefore a risk, in my option the problem is a generation not being challenged to believe that men yelling abuse to a women, or women wolf whistling at a man is ok and I don't believe that it get solved by telling women to run in groups or telling a man not to leave the house, sounds crazy doesn't it? The issue gets solved when we find the route of the issue.

Education, understanding and support.

Are schools telling girls that boys can cry? Are schools teaching teenagers about transgender, the LGBTQ community and gender neutral. Are schools teaching children from a young age that girls play football and they play it well! Are we teaching children to pick up whatever the coloured pen they want and colour. Are we teaching children that they can be anything they want to be because they are unique and precious.

She is not a Tom-girl because of the clothes she wears, she is an adventurous and wonderful child. He is not ‘soft’ for showing tears, he is brave, strong and powerful.

The things you love, enjoy, find excitement in, laugh at, smile at, cry at make you 100% wonderful, powerful, world changing, uniquely and special you.

Are we as adults changing our phrasing?

I recently heard, ‘I can be a real girl sometimes because I cry,’ but crying does not have a gender and crying is not weakness, we are humans who cry because emotions are real.

So holding gender equality in one had and biblical views on marriage in the other, how do they fit? Along side the passion in me to be an advocate for women rights, I must also push the gender role barrier for my future husband, men and women must be united. I am praying for a husband that will encourage my logical brain that wants to figure out what is broken with the washing machine and fix it, because that's what I'll want to do. I will adore the rawness and vulnerability of my husband after a tough day at work and not neglect his emotions. My husband will have to embrace my mood swings because I will have a chemical imbalance each month called a period, but I will love, treasure and look after my husband when he is sick, not call him a wuss with man flu.

If I am called to obey my husband then we need to cultivate a generation of men and women who are for gender equality. A generation that are pushing for a releasing of pressure on gender roles.

When the bible says men are to love their wives as Jesus loved the church, lets not forget who died for the church. Who devoted his life to empower, motivate and encourage faith and strengthen the church.

It's a balance that is is not completely figured out, that still has hundreds of questions. Maybe one day my husband will tell me he wanted to be a stay at home dad with the kids and it's a conversation that cant be shunned or ignored.

I don't have all the answers and maybe I never will. I am continuing to question, but I am desperate to be and encourage a generation to raise our kids with a clear motives, that ‘this’ does not make you a girl, that ‘this’ does not make you a boy, that you are not defined by your gender. That if I am to call myself a feminist it must be for the rights of gender equality not just for women rights although important to me. I believe the biblical roles of marriage can, although still blurry, fit beautifully with a culture that is pushing for gender equality, that men and women can empower each other.